Conservatives in Ignorance React with Joyful Praise – Knowledge of the Bill Not Necessary to Support It
The House Republican strategy on Repeal and Replace is clear. Knowing that once
understands what they are doing they will recoil in horror, the House refuses
to unveil its bill and will do so only with enough time for a perfunctory
hearing and then a vote. But that hasn’t
stopped people who have not seen the bill from lavishing it with adulation.
Real Fake News:
President Trumpie: “I think it’s a great bill and I am just so grateful I didn’t have to come up with one, because you know, health care is complicated. Don’t tell anyone but I never had anything in the hopper to begin with.”
Sen. Ted Cruz (R, Tx): I really like the provision that denies health care to anyone with a funny name. I hope that’s in there. All the minority Republicans, both of them, back me up on this.”
Attorney General Beauregard Sessions: “I ran the ideas past the Russian ambassador and as soon as he gives me the ok I will support it. African Americans won't get any benefits, will they?
VP Mike Pence: “Who says we can’t let people die in the streets. I am told this bill will cause removal of health care from the LGBT community, and since those people are an anathema to God and Jesus, letting them suffer and die will be doing the Lord’s work.”
Kellyanne Conway: “Ooh, Ooh, the House bill will surely reduce taxes on rich people like me and I can buy more Ivanka stuff. Ooh, Ooh.”
Fox News: “We support the heroic efforts of House Republicans and will support them even more when we know exactly what we are supporting. “
The KKK: “A lot of low income people will and should lose health care, and since a lot of those people are, well, you know, not real white Americans the bill should go a long way towards meeting our goals”.
Former NC Governor ‘Bathroom Bill Pat McCrory: As long as they have money in the bill for bathroom cops to stop the huge, and I do mean huge, infiltration of women into men’s bathrooms this bill will be a great part of our agenda to make life miserable for the Trans community.
Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas: If the Republicans propose it, then it is by definition Constitutional.
Florida Republican Senator Marco Rubio: They told me it will have provisions for insurers to pay for hand enlargement.