Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Republicans Think Solar Energy Will Take Too Much Sunlight Away from the Rest of Us

And Other News That Did Not Happen

Here is some real fake news for the Trumpman.

A coalition of Republican lawmakers said that they were opposed to solar energy because, in their words, using sunlight for solar energy reduces the sunlight that humans need in order to survive.  “There’s only so much sunlight”  one said, “and the more that is used for solar panels the less for those who need it the most.”

Donald Trump said that of course there is no negative material Russia has on him, because, as he put it “I’m a lying, cheating real estate developer who has admitted to sexually assaulting womin.  I mean what else is there to say”.

Trump cabinet appointees were heard congratulating themselves on fooling Senate committees into thinking they opposed many of Trump policies.  “I can’t believe they bought it” said one nominee who went on to say “where would we be without a press that doesn’t care about government and wants to fixate on Meryl Streep.”

The University of Alabama announced today that it was doing an IPO for its football program.  The school expects to use the proceeds to complete the total and complete removal of football from any academic association with the University.

HUD Secretary designate Ben Carson just said that he was unaware that the Department initials stood for Housing and Urban Development.  He said he thought the Department HUD meant Help Understand Donnie, and that he would do whatever it took to explain Trump's health care policy to the nation as soon as there was one.

Russia today admitted that it hacked the election process in Podia county Kentucky to elect a recently deceased dead woman to the Pollution Advancement Board.  When asked why they did it a Russian official said “No reason, we could so we did.”

More fallout from Brexit occurred when Parliament voted to rename French Toast and call it Freedom Toast.

As part of their policy to make the news reporting more neutral and less favorable to Republicans the major networks agreed to limit Kellyanne Conway appearances to a ratio of 20 of her to 3 of the other side.  This is a huge improvement over the past policy of 50 Kellyanne appearances to one glimpse of Chuck Schumer leaving his office.

A petition signed by over 200,000 low income Trump voting  Iowans said they supported repeal of the ACA as long as they continued to receive all of their benefits under the law.

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