Friday, January 20, 2017

A Day in the Life of Joe and Susie Conservative – They Live Independent of Government

So They Think

To celebrate the anti-government forces taking over government the DPE would like to present the following.

In honor of and homage to the conservative delusion , here is a day in the life of a typical conservative family.  Joe and Susie live in a close-in suburb of a major American city. They both work and have three children, Jimmy in middle school, Sarah in high school and Charlotte in college.  Here is what a typical day looks like for them.

Joe awakens and showers.  The water he uses is clean and pure, and is monitored and delivered by a government agency in his area.  He has bacon and eggs for breakfast, with no worries that the food is impure or will make him sick as it is all regulated and graded by the U. S. Department of Agriculture and the FDA.  Susie has an economical meal of cereal from grain that is subsidized by the federal government.  All of this food is delivered to their local grocery over roads built and maintained by government.

After breakfast Joe drives to work along a beautiful and safe interstate highway, free of tolls.  He isn’t worried about crashing as he knows his car has sophisticated safety features like air bags and crash protections, features mandated by government and of course his car has undergone government safety testing and an annual government inspection.  Susie rides the bus to work, paying a small fare because the bus service is operated by a local government transit authority which uses taxpayer dollars to make fares affordable.

At work Susie learns she is getting a nice raise because it turns out her company has been paying women less than men for the same job and a government agency has made them pay equal salaries for equal work.  Susie’s friend Alice has not been in for a few weeks as she was injured on the job.  But not to worry, Alice gets Worker’s Compensation benefits and so she is not rendered economically destitute by her workplace injury.   Susie's co-worker John has been off for a few weeks to take care of his disabled father, so Susie has had to work a little harder.  She doesn't mind because federal law requires her company to keep John's job open for him, and Susie is glad to know if she has to leave for a few weeks to take care of a parent her job will be waiting for her.

At lunch Joe charges the meal to the company as a business expense even though almost no business takes place.  His company gets to deduct a portion of the tab which means taxpayers are paying for part of Joe’s lunch, but he doesn’t focus on that.  He also is not concerned about food borne illnesses as the restaurant is regularly inspected by a local government unit to insure its foods are safe and properly prepared.

Susie has to work late but will be paid overtime thanks to federal wage and hour laws.  This means Joe has to take Timmy to the doctor.  The examination and tests will costs hundreds, but Joe’s only cost is a $20.00 co-pay because he has health insurance mandated by ACA.  Also, while Joe receives an employer benefit of over $15,000 per year for the cost of the insurance, Joe does not have to pay any tax on this income as it is exempted from income taxes.  Joe’s friend Pete does not have health insurance and so has to use after tax dollars to pay his medical bills; he gets no such benefit.

Timmy goes to a very good public school which is financed by taxpayers, a majority of whom do not have children in school but want to support education because they believe the entire community benefits from a well educated population.  Charlotte’s tuition bills in college are a strain, but she has a taxpayer subsidized loan and doesn’t have to make loan payments until she graduates and leaves school.  Meantime she is covered by Joe’s health insurance thanks to a federal law. Sarah will save money on education by going to the local community college for her first two years at almost no cost to her since the community college is funded almost entirely by local and state government.

On the way to the doctor’s appointment Joe gets cash from an ATM.  Joe does not worry about the safety of his bank account as it is insured by an agency of the federal government.  He also is not worried about his brokerage accounts as they are also protected from malfeasance by the government.  And Joe gets a nice tax break for his retirements savings.

After leaving the doctor’s office Joe and Timmy stop off to see Timmy’s grandparents.   Both sets of grandparents are retired and do not work and Joe and Susie could not support them.  But they don’t have to since the grandparents have Medicare and Social Security and are able to support themselves without help from Joe and Susie. 

When they get home Timmy takes in the garbage cans as the city has picked up the trash, no charge and Joe notes that while it has rained heavily his yard is not flooded like it used to be because the county fixed a bunch of drainage problems that affected his house.  Joe’s house is very nice, more expensive than they could afford but they got help from the Federal Housing Administration and were able to make a below market down payment and have an easier mortgage than they could have gotten without federal help.  The new electrical service for the garage is coming along nicely, and Joe is not concerned about whether or not it is done right because his electrician is licensed and the city will inspect the work when she is done.

When Susie gets home she reminds Joe they have a meeting tomorrow night.  The school used to provide after school activities free of charge, but tax cuts have caused the district to propose a fee and Joe and Susie think this is wrong, that after school activities should stay free.  Sarah is going to the library to do homework and she will get a lot of help from the staff and be able to download library material and books to her tablet at no charge as all of the library support comes from government.

Finally Joe and Susie are ready for bed, and after watching Fox News both lament to each other how they have to pay taxes but get no benefits from government whatsoever.  “All our money goes to those people” Susie says to Joe’s nodding head, “why do we have to pay for them, why can't the government do something for us for a change?”

So Joe and Susie are excited about Donald Trump becoming President and getting government off their backs and out of their lives.  Welcome to Trumpworld 101 Joe and Susie.  Come for the catharsis, stay for the pain.

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