Monday, January 30, 2017

New UN Ambassador Nikki Haley Thinks She’s in Middle School

And Other Snarky Comments on the News – Only Some of Which is True

The Trump administration assault on foreign policy continued with UN Ambassador Nikki Haley announcing that she is ‘taking names’ at the UN.  She also said that if UN Security Counsel members did not support Trump foreign policy, whatever that is, they would have to stay in the building during recess and not be allowed to go to the school dance on Friday.  When asked if she knew that the UN was not a junior high Ms. Haley did not reply, “Of course not, do you think I would have gotten this job if I knew anything about the United Nations?”

By banning entry into the U. S. by certain groups Donald Trump boasted that he picked on the weakest and most vulnerable of persons.  “I have it straight from ‘Bullying for Dummies’ that those are the type of people you are supposed to pick on” he did not say.

The NFL has volunteered to advise the Trump people on how to make Mexico pay for the Wall, now being dubbed “Trump’s Folly” by opponents and supporters alike.  “If anyone knows how to extort money from governments it is the NFL”  Commissioner Goodell was reported as not saying, “and look it’s only about $12 billion.  We force governments to pony up that amount for our billionaire owners on a daily basis, let us know when you want to make Mexico pay some real money”.

Kellyanne Conway, known around the world as Commie Kelly because of her eerie resemblance to former Soviet Union propaganda ministers is being honored with the Pinocchio award by a renown government and ethics group next week.  The group also announced that if Ms. Conway continues on her current path the award may be renamed the “Conway Trophy” as more people will associate Kellyanne as a liar than do associate Pinocchio as a liar.

Republicans held a retreat last week and were taped.  Highlights of the meeting included legislators seeking advice from Gov Chris Christie of New Jersey on the best way to suck up to Donald Trump (“when you need expert advice go to the expert” Speaker Paul Ryan was not quoted as saying ) and a recitation in unison of “Oh Shit” when informed that they had to come up with a replacement for ACA as it turns out that true to expectations that Trump lied when he said he had a plan almost ready to go.

Head of Britain’s Conservative Party and Prime Minister Theresa May reportedly asked Trump in their meeting to discontinue calling himself a conservative.  She apparently was upset that he not only did not know the meaning of the term, but continually misspelled it in his tweets.  In Trump’s defense advisor Steve Bannon may have told the Prime Minister that spelling was not emphasized at Trump University and that the President was just trying but failing to be less intelligent than his Secretary of Education nominee.

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