Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Trumpie Expected to Ban Photos That Contradict His Views

And Other Snarky Comments on the News

Irritated that clear photograhic evidence
showed that attendance at his inaugural was far below what he said it was, Donnie Trumpie is expected to issue an executive order banning publication of any photograph that does not show what he has said.  Trump thought but did not say "I don't understand why some citizens insist on believing what they see with their own eyes rather than what I tell them but if that's the case, well that's what photoshop was invented for."

When asked about their failure to report that  that no, there was no Trump health care plan near completition newspaper editors around the country replied in unison that some falsehoods by Trump are just so obvious that it is not news when he is not telling the truth.

New York Jets owner Woody Johnson will be named as the ambassador to Great Britain, despite the lack of any prior diplomatic experience.  Most people think it is ok to name a billionaire NFL team owner to a government position for which they are not qualified but wonder why an owner who actually won football games was not picked.  On the plus side removing Johnson from day to day operations of the Jets is expected to improve the team's chances.

Plaudits to the Secretary of Education nominee Betsy DeVos who acquired her billions the American way.  She inherited them and married into them.  Way to go Bets.

And it is not true that Ms. DeVos said that "while I am aware that public schools exist I can't say I ever met anybody that ever went to one of them."

In England last Sunday the entire population of voters who supported leaving the European Union said in unison "Oh Shit".

An un-named potential buyer of an NFL team was apparently rejected by the existing owners for not being greedy enough.  An anonymous source said the potential owner was "only willing to maim, but not kill his grandmother if the price were right and that's just not good enough for us".

Trump's response to the million plus who marched against him was "Watched protests yesterday but was under the impression that we just had an election! Why didn't these people vote? " Uh, they did you moron, which is why you lost the popular vote by almost 3 million.

Watch Keith Olberman who was on Bill Maher's show a couple of weeks ago and then write him a letter asking him to please get his personality under control, stop self-destructing and get back on mainstream TV.  A podcast for GQ ain't gonna do it.

Anybody else notice that despite Republicans campaigning on repealing ACA on day 1, day 1 passed without any legislation on Trump's desk.  

In England the police mistakenly tasered a man who instead of being a bank robber had started an organization to improve relations between the police and the black community.  Police did not say that of course they thought he was a bank robber, he's black isn't he and that anybody else seeing a black man after a crime would of course conclude that he was the criminal.  The actual explanation was that "he's holding his keys in a threatening manner" and police apparently feared he would unlock the hidden racism in their ranks.

Britain's Prime Minister Theresa May's meeting with Trump recently was delayed until she could be fitted with a form fitting crotch guard.  As more women meet with Trump the firm that supplies crotch guards to the stars, Pussy Grabbers R Us saw its stock price rise to new highs.

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