Thursday, April 13, 2017

We Interview Secretary of State Rex Tillerson to Clear Up Foreign Policy Issues

Confused About Trump Policy – More So After This Fake News

Editor’s Note:  Because nobody including the President understands the President’s foreign policy we sat down with his Secretary of State to discuss it, or would have if he had a replied to our request.  Here’s how the interview did not take place.

DPE:  Once and for all, do we favor allowing Assad to stay as President of Syria?

Rex:  Well that is a decision for the people of Syria to make.  Like Russia, we don’t interfere in national elections of other countries.  Assad can stay or leave, his choice.

DPE:  So you are not trying to remove him from office?

Rex:  Of course we are.  We are working closely with a lot of allies to get him out.  No matter what the Syrian people say he has to go.

DPE:  Well didn’t you just contradict yourself?

Rex:  Why would you say that?  Our policy is clear about Assad.  We don’t care if he stays or goes and we are working actively to see that he goes but if he stays we will try to get rid of him.  How can I be any clearer?

DPE:  Okay, moving on.  You had no foreign policy or government experience before you were appointed Secretary of State.  Has this hindered  your understand of the job?

Rex:  Well in the Trump administration we especially value lack of education, experience or knowledge about a job when we appoint someone to a position.  I think it is obvious in the brilliant work that Jared has done in bringing peace to the middle east that if had he had any inkling of what to do or how to do it his accomplishments would not have been possible.

DPE:  Uh, what accomplishments are those?

Rex:  Well he went to Iraq a while back and had no trouble finding the country.  Also he was able to introduce Ivanka’s clothing line to millions of refugees and make their lives better because they can order on line and get same year shipping.  It is well known among the refugee community that wearing Ivanka drastically improves your chances of getting admitted into the United States.

DPE:  What about Russia

Rex:  What about it?

DPE:  Trump said that he could work with Russia during the campaign and now is openly antagonistic towards them.  What is the real position.

Rex:  Haven’t you people realized by now that what Trump says a day ago or a week ago or a month ago or anything in the past means nothing.  Our position on Russia is that Putin and Russia are great friends of America except that they are trying to destroy America and while we will work with them on every issue we will always oppose them.  I think that sums it up.

DPE:  Final question.  How on earth were you ever able to succeed in business?

Rex:  See there I actually had some education and training and experience.

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