Monday, April 3, 2017

Trump to Award Beauregard Too-Racist-to-be-a-Federal-Judge Sessions Highest Honor for Lying – The Rarely Given Nixon Lying Sack of Shit Medal

Many Conservatives aspire to it, Few Reach the Pinnacle

Washington (Fake News Network) President Trump today announced that he would award Acting* Attorney General Jeff the Racist Session the Nixon Medal for Mendacity for his success in committing perjury during his confirmation hearings.  The President acknowledged that in his administration everyone told lies as a matter of policy, but so far only Beau the Confederate had lied under oath in a sufficient manner to justify perjury accusations. 

Almost all of the administration applauded the news, and Speaker of the House ‘Holier Than Thou Paul Ryan’ said he agreed.  “After all, Sessions is not a Democrat” the Speaker said clarifying the point that if a Democrat had done what Sessions had done “the investigations would be 24/7 and televised on a special Fox News cable channel set up to show inquisitions of Democrats.”

But there was one objection.  Commie** Kellyanne Conway said she was hurt and disappointed that she would not be similarly honored.  “I been lying my ass off for months for this administration” she did not say “and all I got is this lousy T shirt that says buy Ivanka on it”.

*Because he doesn’t seem to be a real AG despite being nominated and confirmed.

**Given this nickname because she acts like a press rep from the old Soviet Union.

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