The leadership of the Republican Party today announced that they would be introducing an amendment to the Constitution that would restrict voting to Caucasian males who owned real estate. The amendment would be the centerpiece of the Republican strategy to win future elections without having to appeal to the wide array of voter interests.
Republicans defended the proposed amendment by stating that this was the voting structure that existed when the country was founded. “If it was good enough for
Jefferson and Franklin
and a bunch of other rich white guys, it should be good enough today” said the
party spokesperson, who requested anonymity for fear of being publicly
ridiculed and humiliated. “These are our
people” the spokesperson went on to say, “and we believe their interests are
all that count.”
When asked about the voting rights of African Americans the Republicans put out a brief statements that argued that African Americans, unlike many other immigrant groups, had been given free passage to America and that the so-called enslavement of them was really a “guaranteed employment for life program” that no other ethnic or racial group had been given. “They get all that and now they want to continue to be able to vote?” exclaimed a party official. “That’s so ‘47%’ of them”.
Observing that women make up over 50% of the electorate, depriving them of the right to vote would be something that Republicans said they would re-consider in 50 years. “Women have used their right to vote to vote for Democrats and since they cannot be trusted to vote the right way they don’t deserve that right” thundered Alan J. Misogynist who is in charge of screening women candidates for the Party. “If women can ever show us that they have learned their lesson the right to vote might be restored” he went on to say.
Defeated Senatorial candidates Todd Akin and Richard Mourdock are expected to head the effort, with a $ 1 billion grant from the Koch Brothers.