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The leadership of the
Republican Party today announced that they would be introducing an
amendment to the Constitution that would restrict voting to Caucasian males who
owned real estate. The amendment would
be the centerpiece of the Republican strategy to win future elections without
having to appeal to the wide array of voter interests.
Republicans defended
the proposed amendment by stating that this was the voting structure that
existed when the country was founded. “If
it was good enough for Washington and
Jefferson and Franklin
and a bunch of other rich white guys, it should be good enough today” said the
party spokesperson, who requested anonymity for fear of being publicly
ridiculed and humiliated. “These are our
people” the spokesperson went on to say, “and we believe their interests are
all that count.”
When asked about the
voting rights of African Americans the Republicans put out a brief
statements that argued that African Americans, unlike many other immigrant
groups, had been given free passage to America and that the so-called
enslavement of them was really a “guaranteed employment for life program” that
no other ethnic or racial group had been given.
“They get all that and now they want to continue to be able to vote?”
exclaimed a party official. “That’s so ‘47%’
of them”.
Observing that women
make up over 50% of the electorate, depriving them of the right to vote
would be something that Republicans said they would re-consider in 50
years. “Women have used their right to
vote to vote for Democrats and since they cannot be trusted to vote the right
way they don’t deserve that right” thundered Alan J. Misogynist who is in
charge of screening women candidates for the Party. “If women can ever show us that they have
learned their lesson the right to vote might be restored” he went on to say.
Defeated Senatorial candidates Todd Akin and Richard
Mourdock are expected to head the effort, with a $ 1 billion grant from the
Koch Brothers.
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