ESPN is a very successful venture, but of course it took several decades to build the brand name. Now the News Corporation, owners of Fox News and a bunch of British newspapers that have broken the law many times want to create their own version of ESPN.
Enter Fox, which early next year is expected to announce plans for a national sports cable channel through the rebranding of its motor-sports network Speed, according to people familiar with the plans. The new venture, to be called Fox Sports 1, is expected to launch later in 2013, say these people.
With the network, Fox will be in a position to capture a bigger share of TV viewers and advertisers' seemingly insatiable appetite for sports, not to mention the subscription fees shared by pay-TV operators. Even next to ESPN, insiders say, there's still room for Fox to carve out its own chunk of the market.
Since Fox News itself is simply a propaganda machine for Conservatives, and because ESPN and the major networks have already tied up a lot of sports programming, it will be difficult for Fox Sports 1 to carve out a place in athletic broadcasts. But not to worry, because Fox News has a different slant on events they will be in a position to broadcast many events the majors pass up.
Here is The Dismal Political Economist’s exclusive look at the Fox Sports 1 lineup
Cartoon Character Olympics
Because NBC already has the regular Olympics under contract, Fox Sports 1 will create a new Olympics, with the participants being cartoon characters. Look for Lois and Peter Griffith to compete, along with Bart Simpson, that American Dad guy and even Homer Simpson. Spoiler Alert: Many of the events will be broadcast on a tape delay basis, so don’t look at the sports news headlines if you want to watch the events unfold on Fox Sports 1.
Sarah Palin Shoots Fish in a Barrel
The premier outdoors show on the new network will feature former Alaskan Governor and former Vice Presidential candidate and current Know-it-All Sarah Palin taking an automatic rifle and shooting game fish that have been enclosed in wooden barrels. The show is expected to have a profitable tie in to Russian machine gun makers, and in a competitive segment ordinary fisherman will try to guess the species that was obliterated by examining their remains.
Competitive Pre-Game Praying
While the NFL and college football games are not available, Fox Sports 1 will feature live broadcasts of pre-game team prayers. For college games a $50 scholarship will awarded to the school whose pre-game prayer each week has the strongest condemnation of secular humanism. Style points will be given for creatively linking Democrats to damnation.
Huckabee – Limbaugh Competitive Eating
Food eating contests are going mainstream, and each week Fox Sports 1 will showcase a mouth
stuffing contest between Mike Huckabee and Rush Limbaugh as a prelude to
regional competition. At the end of the
season the winner of the Huckabee/Limbaugh contest will be named the Fat
Conservative Pontificator of the Year and receive the coveted Fatty Arbuckle
To Tell A Lie
Not strictly a sports program, To Tell a Lie will be modeled after the old game show, To Tell the Truth. In this contest each Fox News program host will be given the opportunity to fabricate a story about Democrats, Mr. Obama, Liberals or any minority. The stories will then be interwoven into regular Fox News broadcasts, and the first viewer to spot the phony story will win $1 million dollars.
Since no Fox viewers are expected to be able to identify the phony stories from the other stories presented on Fox News, the network was able to insure against awarding the prize for an annual premium of $1.95.
Right Wing Racing
This show will be an alternative to the
500 race, because all of the racing there involves making left turns. In a more patriotic race, the Fox Sports 1 will
sponsor a Confederate Memorial Day two mile race that will take place on an
oval track with only right turns.
Drivers will have to sit on the right hand side of the car, and only be
allowed to compete if they sign a disclaimer that they are not and have never
Yep, these and other programs coming soon.