EXCLUSIVE - Republican Candidates Speak on Health Care

In a Dismal Political Economist exclusive we asked each of the prospective Republican candidates for the 2012 Republican nomination to tell us their plans for health care reform.  This is what we got.

Mitt Romney: 

I am proud, proud of what we did for my state, Utah, no Michigan, no I got it, Massachusetts.  Of course, that plan is not for every state.  Like Vermont, Vermont is different.  Vermont is geographically vertical and Massachusetts is horizontal.  We can’t impose a plan from a horizontal state onto a vertical state.

Tim Pawlenty:

When you compare my record with that of Mitt Romney you will see that we did nothing, nothing and I am very proud of that.  I hope to take that model to all 50 states if I am elected.

Sarah Palin:

In Alaska we do our own health care, we don’t need the lamestream media telling us how to cure our ills.  America needs to man up, got a toothache, pull your own tooth.  Am I getting paid for this?

Newt Gingrich:

When I told my wife who was in the hospital with cancer I was leaving her for another woman, I made sure our insurance plan took care of all her bills.  I am the only one of the candidates to do this, and I call on all them to do this inthe future.   I’ve got 27 great ideas about how to fix health care in this country, and none of them involve secular humanism or Islamic Law. 

Ron Paul:

The government should not be involved in health care.  Doctor’s don’t need training at public medical schools, and if we need Medicare and Medicaid then let’s let the private sector do it.  We also need to preserve our rights, like the right for someone to go without medical help and die a painful death if that is what he or she wants to do. 

Mitch Daniels:

While Governor of Indiana I balanced the budget by selling off our infrastructure, and I will solve the health care crisis by selling off the hospitals and clinics and all the other assets that we need for health care.

Rick Santorum:

Much of our health care problem can be blamed on Godless homosexual behavior.  I will fight to overturn the Supreme Court decision that said we cannot criminalize gay and lesbian life styles, and then I will outlaw abortion and get prayer in public schools.  That will fix our health care problems.

Haley Barbour:

I have no idea how to fix health care, but I have some great lobbyist friends who know how.  If I change my mind I will get the best and brightest of them to write the bills for Congress to pass.

Donald Trump:

Health Care Problem, you’re fired.  Can I stop saying this now, it's really getting old.