Here’s What These People Would Probably Say
Attorney General Jeff Sessions: "If Donnie wants me to put them in jail I will do that, anything to keep my job. And if they are African American I know how to put those people in their place."
Presidential Boy Scout Jared Kushner: "I met with transgender Russians but I did not collude with them. No one I know of in the campaign colluded with transgender Russians. But if Junior says I did, maybe I did, I can’t remember anything these days."
Official Hate Monger Steve Bannon: "What’s the big deal, these transgender people are no better than Jews, Blacks and Gypsies. Who wants them in the army anyway?"
Vice President and Chief Trump Sycophant Mike Pence: "If Trump said it then it must be true and I support it. Kissing Trump's ass isn't gay, is it? What was the issue again?"
Log Cabin Republicans (the Gay Republicans): "Look we have stuck by the homophobes in this party for decades and we welcome Donnie coming out of the closet (the ' pretend to believe in equality closet' not the other one). What’s one more bigot in our party anyway and besides anyone who supports cutting taxes for the wealthy can be as prejudiced as he wants."
Ivanka Trump: "I just hope daddy’s new policy doesn’t hurt by fall designs. Other than that who cares."
Associate Justice Neil Gorsuch: "That policy is absolutely legal. Oh wait, aren’t I supposed to hear the arguments first? Oh well never mind nothing they can say can keep me from enjoying my stolen seat on the Court."
Former North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory Who Championed the States Bathroom Bill: "I can’t get a job because for some reason companies don’t want a bathroom monitor on the payroll. So I support getting the transgender folks out of the Army so I can get a position watching them in the bathrooms. You cannot believe them when they say they go in there to empty their bladder or bowels. We have no idea what they do in there unless I can personally watch."