Monday, May 22, 2017

“This was the Greatest Foreign Trip in the History of Foreign Trips” Trump Says

No He Hasn’t Returned Yet to Say This But He Will

Here is what the President said to the American people when he gets back from his travels.

“You can’t believe how great I was, how wonderful I was in the Mideast and Europe.  Everyone is telling me it was the greatest, most fantastic, most wonderful trip ever taken by an American President.  I was praised in several languages, including Saudi Arabian and Israeli.  The people loved me.

When I went to visit the Saudi princes, the one that have promoted women’s rights more than any other nation I told them we need their money to invest in our infrastructure.  They are going to spend billions on weapons to keep their people in place and to show our support I jewed them down on a missle defense system.  Jared helped me with that.

In Israel they asked me about moving the embassy to Jerusalem. I told them I promised that in the campaign so they knew what that meant.  Several of the leaders said they did and were so happy they walked out of the room crying.  Bibi told me he was so inspired by my actions with Comey that he was going to fire the Israeli prosecutors looking into his corruption.  See, I am spreading Americanism around the world.

NATO, remember what I said about NATO, how they were obsolete.  Well in just a few short weeks they have completely changed, they are now on the Trump team and I am pleased to say that every NATO leader pledged to stay at a Trump hotel when they are away from home.  And they declassified a whole bunch of secret data because, as they said, I had probably already given it to the Russians anyway.  So with no foreign policy experience whatsoever I am already a leading figure.

Many of the meals were catered by the local Trump hotels.  You can call 1-800-BUY TRUMP to get the same wonderful chocolate cake we had.  Just add 50% for handling and delivery.”  

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