Now It Just Has to Learn to Treat Passengers Like Garbage and It Can Join the Ranks of Modern Aviation
rolled out its first domestically built aircraft carrier and now it is starting
and fly commercial jet aircraft that will compete with the Boeing 737 and
Airbus 320. The LA Times reports.
Ok, to help the Chinese along here are the things it needs to do now to duplicate the service requirements and levels set by Delta, United and the like.
- If a flight is cancelled, continue to announce it is on time until it is clear there is no plane at the gate to take on the passengers.
- If seats are needed for airline personnel just drag a couple of passengers off the plane.
- Advertise low priced seats, then switch the passenger to a higher priced ticket and tell them all the low priced seats are gone.
- Try to always sit a normal sized person in the middle seat between two obese people.
- Set up baggage handling so that at least 5 bags per flight are lost. Make any compensation rules so complicated no one bothers to ask for money for lost bas.
- Schedule connections so tight that they are almost always missed. Then charge passengers an additional fee to get a new flight.
- Determine the minimum leg room needed to prevent blood clots and then make the seats two inches closer than that.
- Oversell each flight by ten seats and then hope ten people forget to show up for the flight.
- Offer low priced tickets and make up the discount by charging for things like boarding, carrying a purse or being more than 3 feet tall.
- Arrest any Arabic speaking passengers, especially if they look like Arabs.
- Store sandwiches in an uncovered space for 3 weeks to make sure they reach maximum staleness.