Monday, July 9, 2012

Jump Start Your Career in Banking

From the Careers Section of the Wall Street Journal


President – A Greedy National Bank

The First National Bank of Greed is looking for
A New President and Chief Executive Officer.

The Successful Candidate will have 10 plus years experience as a senior executive with an international financial institutions or at a children’s day care center

Duties include looking the other way while bond traders and other managers evade regulations, fix markets, cheat clients and enrich themselves unduly at the expense of customers and the public.

A Ph. D. in BS in helpful but not required.  The ability to go before government investigating committees and lie with a straight face is essential.

Remuneration is expected to be in the $50 million a year range, with bonus potential earn an additional $1 billion a year if profit goals are met and regulatory violations are not discovered by the authorities.

Candidate must be willing accept a maximum of $80 million severance benefits.

References Not Required - In Fact References Attesting to a Candidate's Honesty, Integrity and Overall Managerial Ability Will be Detrimental to His (or Her in the very unlikely case a female would be considered)  Prospects

Applications accepted until position filled, or current management is jailed, whichever comes first

THE FIRST NATIONAL BANK OF GREED – Not Just an Ordinary Equal Opportunity Employer.  Previous convictions of a felony, arrests on suspicion of fraud, prior cheating of widows and orphans and a record of evicting disabled veterans will not only not disqualify you from consideration, these items will advance your chances for the position.

Member:  FDIC, KKK, and proud sponsor of FFA (Future Felons of America)

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for sharing about career in banking, I heard that UBS hired Cary Kochman . Do you guys know about him?