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[Editor’s note: This
post was inspired by this
story in the New York Times detailing how hundreds of millions of anonymous
corporate and billionaire money will be spent to run negative ads against
President Obama.]
A spokesman for the company said that after looking at the
economics, “It just made sense for us to own the networks rather than pay for
air time” and the unnamed representative went on to add that “this way we can
also deny any air time to our opponents.
As everyone knows, the Supreme Court’s has defined free speech as our
having the ability to drown out every type of opposing speech so that voters
hear only one side, and so what we are doing is just exercising our
Constitutional rights”.
As far as programming is concerned, the new owners have said
they plan to keep popular programs, but with some changes. Modern Family, for example, will have the gay
couple arrested and jailed for living in sin, and their adopted daughter will
be placed in a foster home with a deeply religious couple who will de-program
the pro-gay feeling that the young girl has.
This is expected to be hilarious.
Other programming changes will be switching “60 Minutes” to
a new format called “60 Minutes of Obama Shame”, and a new format for a popular
quiz show, retitled “Who Wants to Be A Billionaire” where contestants will
strive to be adopted by a billionaire, as in the future only children of
billionaires will be allowed to be billionaires. On “2 Broke Girls” the new season will
feature a back story on how oppressive regulation and taxation caused the girls
to be broke. At 10 p.m. each night a new
program will debut, The Ayn Rand Hour, where economic policy will be derived from various works of fiction.
When queried by a reporter as to why the group did not also
purchase Fox News the spokesman said “You’re kidding, right?
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