Just In! – President Obama and the Democrats to Balance the Federal Budget in 2014, 9 Years Before the Republicans

Here’s How They Do It

The country has now been treated again to the Republican plans for balancing the Federal Budget, which they now say they will do in ten years.  But wait, what about taxes?  Well here’s how they plan to deal with taxes.

1. Tax Rates will be lowered to 25% on the highest income Americans, and 10% for everyone else.

2. Assume that tax revenue does not change.

Curses, Foiled Again

Wow, who knew it was that easy.  But Democrats are delighted, and so have now decided that using this same methodology they can balance the budget next year!

Washington.  Mar. 14 (UP) The Obama Administration today announced that it would balance in the Federal budget in fiscal year 2014.  This will bring the Federal budget into balance a full nine years earlier than the Paul Ryan plan that the Republican embraced just a few days ago.

The President, surrounded by his budget team and a group of prominent economists explained that they were able to do this using the same methodology as the Republicans used.  “We assume that tax revenues in 2014 will be large enough to match expenditures” said the President, “just like the Republican have assumed for 2023.  We are doing the same thing they are doing, we are just doing it better” he went on to add.

When asked how he could make unsupported assumption that had no basis in reality and were contradicted by every manner of logic and reason, Mr. Obama stated that “We thought that way also, but thanks to Mr. Ryan we now understand that those constraints just don’t matter in the budgeting process.  If anyone wants to just assume a set of facts, conditions and results, they just get to go ahead and do it.”

Several Nobel Prize winning economists in the group also said they had revised their thinking.  Two of the more prominent members of the group said they no longer would rely on models, data, historical evidence, or rigorous scientific methods to do their analysis.  “We just assume what we want to happen will happen” said one member of the group who wished to remain anonymous (for obvious reasons he pointed out), and go from there. 

Republicans reacted angrily to the President.  Several pointed out that lack of scientific integrity, good data, reasonable assumptions and logical analysis was the exclusive purview of Republicans, and for Democrats to use the same fallacious methodology that Republicans championed was just another way Democrats were engaging in unjustified attacks on Republicans.  Other Republicans, in an attempt to better the Democrats in this debate said they would assume that tax revenues in 2014 were in excess of spending, and thus produce a surplus in that year as opposed to just balancing the budget.

“If they can produce a balanced budget out of thin air, we can produce a budget with a huge surplus out of the same thin air” said Republican budget  guru Rep. Paul Ryan.  “Take that Mr. President.”