Saturday, March 10, 2012

Dear Dismal Political Economist! – I have been in America Since I Was a Baby, Why Does Mitt Romney Want to Deport Me?

An Advice Column for the Perplexed and Confused on Economic and Political Issues

[Editor’s Note:  In his continuing effort to bring light and clarification to  current events and current issues, The Dismal Political Economist is now answering reader’s questions on how the current political and economic climate affects them personally.]

Dear Dismal Political Economist

When I was 6 months old my parents came to this country without legal permission.  They both worked hard and sent me to public schools.  I graduated with distinction, and was given several college scholarships, some as commemoration for volunteer work.  In college I have a double major in Engineering and middle eastern languages.  I would like to join the military and work in Army Intelligence as an interpreter in Farsi and Arabic.

Mitt Romney says I am a criminal and wants to deny me housing, a job, any government benefits and make me deport myself.  I don’t know any other country and just want to serve and live in the country I love. 


Patriot in Arizona

Dear Patriot

You need to understand that in order to be President Mr. Romney needs to pander to the extreme right wing of his party, and so he has adopted a “tough on immigrants” policy.  Also, the only foreign born folks Mr. Romney has been associated with are the men and women who clean his pool and mow his lawn.  So he thinks you are just an unskilled laborer who came to this country to take jobs from real Americans.

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to change Mr. Romney’s position, he has an unquenchable desire to be President.  But you can emigrate for a few months to Cuba

See Mr. Romney and the Conservative extremists think immigration from Cuba is a great idea.  So what you should do is go to Cuba, and initially support the Castro government.  Then you announce you are opposed to the Castro government and support democracy.  Then you emigrate from Cuba as a political refugee and you will find you are welcomed in this country.  You can now realize your dreams of a great life in the United States.

Really, it is just that easy. It’s just not that hard to fool people like Mr. Romney.



  1. "Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to change Mr. Romney’s position,..."

    Now I'm really confused. Romney has a position? He won't change it? That Cuban vacation is looking real good.

  2. Well, there is something one can do to change Mr. Romney's position: wait. It'll change of it's own accord as soon as he gets the nomination and doesn't have to pander to the right anymore. Heck, it'll change whether he gets the nomination or not. The one constant thing about Mr. Romney's positions is that they change.