Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Right Wing Bird Watching – How to Spot the True Conservative

In the Wintertime, When They Are All Bundled Up

With the cold weather season now in full swing it becomes difficult to tell conservatives apart from ordinary people, because everyone is heavily jacketed and conservatives may look just like normal people.   So here is a helpful holiday guide.

If the person is discussing health insurance, and chuckling at the thought of low income families being denied access to Medicaid by Republican governors, that’s a conservative.

If you run into an individual proclaiming Santa Claus is real, white and against same sex marriage, you have found a conservative.

If a person crosses your path who believes freedom of speech means an unlimited ability to drown out opposing speech with unlimited spending, congratulations, you are seeing a conservative.

If you hear a citizen complaining that government should not be allowing the subsidized cost of flood insurance for luxury beachfront home to go up, that’s right, you have run into a conservative.

If you find a person who believes government deficits created by increasing spending are bad for the economy but that government deficits created by decreasing taxes on the wealthy are good for the economy, nice going, you have spotted a conservative.

If you are looking at a person who thinks government should stay out of people’s private lives and should put people in jail for engaging in homosexual activity, there it is, you located another conservative.

If you are in the doctor’s office and hear a person bemoaning government interference in health care and then urging government to tell doctors what they can and cannot say to women patients, congratulations, you are looking at a conservative.

If you find a person who believes tax cuts pay for themselves and help balance the budget, there you go again, you are meeting with a conservative.

If you are listening to a person complain about too much government spending, but never names a single major program they would cut, wow, you are looking at a conservative.

If you meet with a person that thinks three year old children who are brought into this country illegally by their parents are hardened criminals, that’s right, you are seeing a conservative.

 If you are hearing a person who is a legislator and is stating that government should not ever help people with their health insurance while he or she is on the way to get medical care using their fantastic government subsidized health insurance, you have found the conservative in their natural habitat.

So there it is, the seasonal guide to finding a conservative this winter.  But not to worry if you don’t remember all of the above.  Because if you are talking with a person who has a high income, several houses, a couple of gas hogging cars, children in private school and who is just mad, angry, mean and vicious towards anyone who doesn’t agree with them or have an equal economic status with them, then you have found all the conservatives you really want to ever meet.

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