Sunday, February 17, 2013

National Geographic Channel to Present Film on “Killing Lincoln”

Based on the Bill O’Reilly Book – So Don’t Look for Real History

With the National Geographic set to broadcast a motion picture based on the best selling supposedly non-fiction book by Bill O’Reilly on the Lincoln Assassination, it would seem appropriate to provide potential viewers with a description of what will be seen.  Given Mr. O’Reilly’s penchant for unsubstantiated Conservative dogma here is what everyone is likely to be presented with.

Lincoln Looking for Facts in the Bill O'Reilly Book

The highlights will be

  1. Instead of being a bitter Confederate sympathizer, John Wilkes Booth will be shown to be motivated to kill Lincoln because Lincoln wanted to extend health care insurance to low income immigrants.

  1. Jefferson Davis will be portrayed as a patriot who supported states rights, and fought the war because he believed the tenth Amendment was being violated by the Union and that Edward Stanton was the wrong choice to be Secretary of Defense.

  1. Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation was an un-Constitutional exercise of Presidential power.  The 13th Amendment that ended slavery was also un-Constitutional. 

  1. General Grant will be shown to be a secret tax raiser.

  1. Since many in the Union Army were Irish immigrants and in the country illegally, the South will be declared winner of the Civil War on a technicality.

  1. Freed slaves will be given some rights, but they will have to sit in the back of the bus in Montgomery, Alabama.  The movie will depict how happy the new citizens were at having a seat on the bus.

  1. As part of the peace agreement between the Union and the Confederacy, all Federal military installations in the South will have to be named after Southern Generals.  (Wait, that did happen).

  1. The part where South Carolina slave owners declare that while the slaves are now free, no African American will ever be elected President will be excised from the presentation.
9.  It is revealed that Lincoln's Gettysburg Address and 2nd Inaugural speeches will have turned out to have been written by Christopher Marlowe.

Finally, it is not certain, but it is possible that the movie will show a heretofore unknown Civil War fact.  It was largely rumored, and now confirmed that in order for the North to re-admit Florida and North Carolina back in the Union, the South required the North to also take Mississippi, Alabama and Texas or no deal.  Like the decision of the government to allow sales of Turkey Bacon, it is a deal the Union rues to this day.

1 comment:

  1. As always. TDPE, your humor tends to reflect reality. #1 is the one I have my bet on. Thanks for the post!