The DPE Interview with Jared Kushner – Exclusive, Only on This Site

We Asked, No Response So Here’s What We Think He Would Have Said

Editor’s Note:  In an attempt to find someone even more unqualified for public service than he is, Donnie Trump has called upon his son-in-law to serve as a Special . . ., well special we don’t know what because as near as we can tell there is nothing special about his son-in-law other than he is the son-in-law.  So if Mr. Kushner ever granted this site an interview we think it would have gone like this.

DPE:  We understand you are making a trip to Iraq, how did that come about?

JK:  That’s the one that ends in ‘q’ right, I get Iraq and Iran confused.  In fact that’s one reason why I want to go there, it will help me remember which is which.  And I am going with the top military people so they will be able to tell me things I need to do in my job, like the difference between the Army and the Navy.  Oh, which is the Tigris and which is the Euphrates?

DPE:  Uh, I am sure you will figure it out.  Why did you want to work  in the White House?

JK:  Well I was hesitant at first but then Daddy Trump, that’s what we call him, said I could still run my companies and I would get a lot more business because foreign companies would line up do business with the man just a few steps from President.  Make money and learn about government, can’t go wrong there.

DPE:  What is your highest priority?

JK:  I want to get that thing in the midwest settled.  There’s been too much bad talk between Iowa and Kansas and I am just the one to fix that.  They are both corn states and I eat a lot of corn. 

DPE:  Uh, I think you mean the Middle East and the problems with Arabs and Israelis.  Do you think the fact that you are an Orthodox Jew will hinder you in talking with the Palestinians?

JK:  Heck no, as Pence says we can all sit down just like good Christians and work this out. 

DPE:  Any interest in domestic issues?

JK:  You bet.  See with Ivanka working we need a lot of domestics to take care of our personal lives.  We thought we could get along with just the three housekeepers, the gardener and the drivers but now we find we need a wet nurse for when the in-laws come over.

DPE:  Do you plan to open up new relations with the Chinese?

JK:  Well we expect them to help with wall, you know them Chinese build the best walls ever, well, that is until we get our wall built.  It will make the Great Wall in China looks like a picket fence you buy at Home Depot.

DPE:  Thanks for your time, anything we can do for you?

JK:  I was told they do have graphic books that explain government, you don’t know where they sell them do you?