Assessing the 2016 Republican Presidential Hopefuls, Yes It is That Time of the Year Again

Bah Humbug!

The United States is now in perpetual Presidential campaign mode.  Witness Mitt Romney, who started running for the 2012 race the day after the 2008 election.  Here, for your listening enjoyment, is the current status of the 2016 contenders.

THE CANDIDATES FROM THE SENATE:

1. Kentucky Senator Rand Paul:  Mr. Paul is certain run, and in fact probably feels that he is entitled to the Republican nomination.  Republicans like to nominate the next in line, and Mr. Paul inherits that position from his daddy.  Given that fact, the presence of ardent supporters and the appeal of a person named “Rand” Mr. Paul must be considered the front runner and favorite.

2. Florida Senator Marco Rubio:  Mr. Rubio was going to stake his claim based on a policy towards immigration that did not favor executing them, in other words a Republican moderate.  But Mr. Rubio has learned that no, moderation of any amount on immigration is a no-go for Republicans.  So he is now back in the pack.  His stance on helping low income families by taking away their benefits is now his biggest hope for public support.

3. Texas Senator Ted Cruz:  Mr. Cruz is lucky      to be from Texas, the only state in the lower 48 big enough to hold his ego.  Mr. Cruz is a hero to those who would completely shut down government, and this makes him a viable candidate.  The fact that the rest of the Republican professionals hate him is just another reason for him to run.

THE GOVERNORS OR FORMERLY SO

4. New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie:  Here we had the media favorite, but the bridge scandal has damaged him.  Mr. Christie was a long shot even before his administration somehow saw creating a massive traffic jam was the way to electoral victory.  Why recently he endorsed a program that will let illegal immigrants who have lived in and grown up in New Jersey qualify for in-state tuition, the same as if they had lived in and grown up in New Jersey.  Everyone desperately hopes Mr. Christie will run, because the fact the he has a notorious thin skin has everyone looking to the multiple explosions when he comes under attack.

5. Ohio Gov. John Kasich:  Mr. Kasich needs to get re-elected, which he will probably be as he has taken a more moderate turn and there is really no major Democrat to take him on.  His popularity among conservatives has and will wane as he adopts non-extremist positions on some issues to get re-elected.

6. Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker:  Like Mr. Kasich, Scott needs to get re-elected and probably will for the same reason that Mr. Kasich will.    But he is really running for Vice President, based on his appeal to the Republican rank and file for his opposition to basic rights for state employees.

7. Texas Gov. Rick Perry:  Mr. Perry proved last time out that he is just not smart enough to be considered Presidential material.  How do we know he is not very smart?  Well he thinks he is Presidential material and is considering another run.  That is the very definition of ‘not very smart’.

8. Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush:  Jeb was considered to be the smart one of the Bush brothers, ok, not a high hurdle to leap.  He wants to run but clearly doesn’t relish the fight, the ugliness, the attacks and the things one has to do to run for President.  But he still might run.

9. New Mexico Gov. Susan Martinez:  She would be running for Vice President, and if she doesn’t embarrass herself she has the inside lead on that nomination.

10. Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin:  Attention is to Sarah Palin as heroin is to a junkie.  She won’t run of course, she is not a participant, she is someone sits in the stands and tells everyone how they should play the game like one of those crazy fans we all see at the games.  For reasons beyond comprehension the news media actually pays attention to this empty pantsuit.

11.  Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal:  If ever there was a pol not ready for prime time, it is Mr. Jindal, and until recently it looked like he knew this and would not run.  Now he is making like he will run.  We thought Mr. Jindal was smarter than this, but apparently not.

 OTHER

 12.  Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan:  Mr. Ryan could have a place near the front of the line as the former VP nominee, but he thinks of himself and his future as an intellectual leader in the House.  No one who has seriously considered his positions, his logic, his policy prescriptions and his math thinks that.  As the news media has done none of that they do think of him as an intellectual leader. 

There you go, enough to destroy the cheer of everyone’s bleak winter season.