Saturday, September 28, 2013

2016 Ohio State Football Schedule - Major College Football Passes the Stage of Corruption and Descends Into Farce

And Here’s What The Future of College Football Looks Like

When Princeton and the other colleges started playing college football in the 19th century no one could have foreseen that billions of dollars would flow from the sport and that those billions would corrupt the players, the coaches, the universities and the game itself.  But higher education in many of America’s premier universities is now subservient to athletics, and money not education and learning is the driving force.

As a result of the corrosive funds now inundating college football, teams have taken to scheduling the weakest opponents possible in order to have a winning record and protect the jobs of the university athletic departments and the administrations.  On a just completed Saturday Ohio State beat Florida Agricultural and Mineral University 76 to 0.  Louisville, not exactly an athletic power but one that wants to be beat Florida International University 72 to 0.  And just so everyone knows that the state of Florida does not field a bunch of cupcake teams, Miami beat Savannah State 77 to 7 and Florida State beat Bethune Cookman 54 to 7.  And no, schools supported by religious groups are also part of the picture, Baylor beat the University of Louisiana at Monroe 70 to 7.

The schools that suffer these humiliating defeats are happy to do so.  They get a large payoff which supports their athletic department, and without acting as doormats they might have to scale down their own football programs.  If this sounds like big college just buying victories to pad the won/loss record it should, that’s exactly what it is.

So in the near future one can expect that a school like The Ohio State University will release the following football schedule.

Columbus, Ohio (AP).  Ohio State today released its 2016 football schedule and highlighted games with new opponents that the school said should make for an exciting and challenging fall season.  In order to beef up the schedule Ohio State has dropped two Orphanages from its 2015 slate and added quality opponents.  Here are the games that the Buckeyes will play in 2016.

Sept 1 – Johnstown, Pa High School Junior Varsity:  OSU says don’t be fooled by the fact that this is a high school JV team.  They have good football traditions in Pennsylvania and this team may well score a field goal against the 5th string Buckeyes who are expected to play the final 10 minutes to keep the score for Ohio State under 175 points.

Sept. 8 – Vassar College Women’s Field Hockey Team:  This will be a first for OSU, and a challenge since they will have no advance scouting report on the Fighting Feminists as the Vassar team is called because the Field Hockey team has never played football.

Sept. 15 – Grand Island Nebraska Junior College:  A game against the Growling Corngrowers will be a tough tune up for OSU’s upcoming Big 10 schedule.

Sept. 22 – at Hawaii Tech:  A nice two week travel award and a break from the grind of three hard games awaits Ohio State players.  But don’t count out the Postulating Programmers from giving OSU a real game.

Sept. 29 – Open:  Still vacationing in Hawaii

Oct. 6 – at Florida Pacific:  Another fair weather game against a college that will be fielding its first football team ever.  This game is contingent upon the Florida Pacific Confused Geographers  finding 11 men to try out for the team.

Oct 13 – Upper Arlington (Ohio) High School:  The beginning of a vicious home town rivalry.

Oct 20 – at Quebec College:  In another first, Ohio State will play the bilingual Fighting French Canadians in a game in Quebec City.  The athletic department has announced that boosters who contribute $100,000 or more to the athletic department will be given a free lecture on the history of American style football in France by Ohio State's award winning faculty. The faculty won the prestigious Madoff Trophy after compiling a record of granting an A in every course to every enrolled scholarship football and basketball player.

Oct 27 – Intra-quad Game with Non Scholarship OSU Players:  The NCAA has sanctioned games where the scholarship athletes play the non scholarship athletes, provided that no fatalities occur for a period of three years following such a game.  

Nov. 4 – at Indiana:  Opening the Big 10 season Ohio State will visit what they hope to be the weakest Big 10 team.  If Indiana has won any games against real opponents Ohio State has the option of requiring the Hoosier to play the game with only seven players.

Nov. 11 – Open with practice Session:  After playing a real college team the Buckeyes will rest its starters for a week.  A player optional practice will be held at the stadium with tickets priced at $95.00 so that kids can attend.

Nov. 18 – University of Texas at Dustville:  The athletic department has announced its intention to create a rivalry with the state of Texas, and this game against a previously unknown college whose existence had been considered a rural myth until explorers located it late last year is expected to be just the start of a long and entertaining series.

Nov. 25 at Michigan:  The season concludes, except for bowl games (the NCAA now allows each school to play two of them) with traditional rival Michigan.   Both the President of the University of Michigan and the Chancellor of Ohio State will share in the $20 million fee that ESPN will pay for the rights to broadcast the pre-game festivities.

Yep, that’s probably what it will look like.

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