Sunday, April 1, 2012

Fox News to Start Sports Channel ala ESPN and Other Network Sport Channels

Bringing Conservatives Views to the World of Sports No Doubt

For the avid sports fan there can never be enough sports channels.  Although just about every sporting event in the country is now broadcast somewhere (yes that was the 8 year old whiffle ball championship from Biloxi on ESPN 34 last week) broadcasters still feel there is room for more coverage. So it is not surprising that Fox News has announced that they will be starting their own sports channel.

The News Corp. head is now "taking steps" to launch a U.S.-based sports network that would aim to compete with ESPN, according to a report from Bloomberg's Andy Fixmer and Alex Sherman

But of course we are talking Fox News here, so yes their programs are going to be a little bit different.  There will not only be reporting, but also several new sports specifically designed for Fox News viewer have been developed.  Here is a preview of what to expect once Fox News Sports gets up and running.

Sarah Palin Hunts Commie Bears – Tuesdays 9 to 11 p.m.

A two hour weekly show in which the former Alaska Governor uses an automatic rifle to shoot bears that have been identified to have Communist leanings.  Ms. Palin will stalks the bears from a fleet of 12 helicopters and a state of the art radar system.  The bears will be tagged with range finding badges and will be released from various Zoos.  At the end of each show Ms. Palin will try to explain how this is sport.

Friday Night Lights of God - Rick Santorum’s Pre-game Prayer Show Fridays 7:30 to 8:30 p.m.

Mr. Santorum, new to the Fox family, will write and direct pre-game prayer services for high school football teams.  He will also film various pre-game prayer sessions and provide commentary on whether or not the prayers sufficiently condemn gays and lesbians, birth control users and fornicators.  Non Christians will be invited to participate on a case by case basis.

Phone Hacking CompetitionSundays 8 to 10 p.m.

This new sporting event will pit teams from various Fox News newspapers and new organizations.  Each team will be given a list of prominent persons.  The team that hacks the most phones within a given time period will win free legal representation against various government investigations against the News Corps’s entities.  New technology will be encouraged, with the most effective technologies being turned over the Fox News outlets so that they can violate the privacy of celebrities and government officials and their families.

The Biggest Liar – Wednesdays at 9 p.m. (but they may be lying about that)

Each week a panel of three prominent Conservatives will be given the challenge of making the most outrageous lie about positions supported by non-Conservatives.  Points will be given for creativity, lack of believability, and extra points will be given for lies which contain slurs on the character of Democrats.  One appeal of the show will be the judges who are expected to be experts in the field of lying.  Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity are considered leading candidates.

90 Minutes – Daily 6 to 7:30, repeated as required

The expose show will feature former athletes who have demonstrated their belief that only Americans should be allowed to compete in world championship events. It will expose the truth behind the  sports news of the day.  Any event in which an American did not finish first will expose how the foreigners cheated.  A weekly highlight will focus on the Socialism of the NFL where teams cooperate in the NFL draft and how the NFL encourages sloth and dependency by allowing teams with the worst records to draft first. 

Sports Center Right – Daily 8 to 9 a.m.  repeated through the day

A group of reporters will provide sports scores and news that illustrates how Conservative philosophy should be ingrained in sports.  A special weekly segment will focus on how athletes should be responsible for their own health care and how the private health insurance market will provide health care for athletes at a far lower cost then their employers can get.  Another regular segment will feature Newt Gingrich fitness videos as Mr. Gingrich tries to reprise his recent political performance and claim the title of “Biggest Loser” in another field.

Excited?  Check your local listings for time and station.

1 comment:

  1. Funny... except for the part about Rick Santorum being bought by Fox. That is probably too likely to happen. Just another reason to shoot the television.