Thursday, April 12, 2012

Dear Dismal Political Economist! – Democrats Are Being Mean to Me

An Advice Column for the Perplexed and Confused on Economic and Political Issues

[Editor’s Note:  In his continuing effort to bring light and clarification to  current events and current issues, The Dismal Political Economist is now answering reader’s questions on how the current political and economic climate affects them personally.]

Dear Dismal Political Economist

I am a leader in the Republican party and I have always played by the rules of politics.  Those rules say we get to say anything we want about Democrats; we get to call them names, we get to distort their positions and we get to question their citizenship and patriotism. For example Senator Grassley can call Mr. Obama ‘stupid’ and the result is Peggy Noonan in the WSJ says the President has no class.

 Democrats don’t get to do any of that stuff to us.  Those are the rules, I didn’t make them up I just try to play by them.

Now all of a sudden the Democrats don’t wont to play fair.  They are criticizing our main man, Paul Ryan, saying his plan would cut social programs.  This is patently unfair, Mr. Ryan’s plan has absolutely no specifics, which is on purpose so no one can criticize it.  That way whenever somebody says we want to cut this program or that program, we can say no, that’s not in the plan.

Also, complaining about activist judges is our things.  We have a patent on that particularly whine.  Now the President is saying the five Republican Justices on the Supreme Court shouldn’t be political and rule against his health care plan.  Didn’t he read Bush v. Gore?

So what can I do to get the universe back the way it should be, where Republicans get to do whatever we want and the media blames the Democrats?


Feeling Lost in Washington

Dear Feeling Lost

You need to maximize your strength here, and use your allies, the main stream media to take care of this problem for you.  What you should do is complain, again and again that they are biased towards the Democrats.  This will cause them to start writing supposedly neutral news stories that are in reality slanted against the Democrats and to continue to ignore the inconsistencies, lack of logic and ignorance of facts in your positions.

After you get the Press back doing your work for you, you can use some that $500 million or so that is going to be raised by private groups funded by billionaires to start running negative ads against the President.  I wouldn’t stop with just questioning his citizenship, and whether or not he was born in the U. S.  I would kick it up a notch and question whether or not he is an alien in the truest sense of the word, that is whether or not he is from another planet.

The last thing you can do is make sure there are no specifics in your foreign policy positions either.  This way when the President attacks those positions you can easily and truthfully say that you are not going to do what he accuses you of doing, since you have never said exactly what you are going to do about anything.

There, feel better now.


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