Sunday, December 25, 2011

Forecasting the Newt Gingrich Vice Presidential Choice – Remember if Newt is Nominated Voters Get Two Tickets to Crazy Town

A List of Non Conventional Choices

As the holiday break is in full swing, and the Iowa Caucuses loom as soon as New Year’s Day is out of the way, the Republican race is coming down to Mitt Romney and the someone who is the least objectionable non-Mitt Romney.  That Newt Gingrich can fill that role says volumes about just how objectionable Donald Trump, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Herman Cain and the rest turned out to be.

So it is now time to once again speculate on a possible Vice Presidential choice.  For Mr. Romney this comes down to Florida Senator Marco Rubio, Virginia Governor Robert McDonnell, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels.  Mr. Rubio was the safe and logical choice until it turned out he misrepresented his past.  Mr. McDonnell is very popular in a swing state and is a closet radical Conservative.  Mr. Daniels is a successful cut spending Governor and a bland, safe choice.  Mr. Christie is probably too dynamic for Mr. Romney, but would be the choice if Mr. Romney can stand having a running mate who is more popular than he would be.

With Newt Gingrich though, none of these choices would work.  They are all too safe and conventional.  Mr. Gingrich wants to be known as a big thinker, a man of big ideas, a man who defies convention. So with that in mind, here are some of the possible running mates for Mr. Gingrich.

Sarah Palin:  Newt Gingrich is all about attention and publicity, and this pick would give him an unlimited amount of both.  Mr. Obama would be relegated to the back page of the newspaper and the Republican convention would be a love fest.  Even his opponents would label Mr. Gingrich a man of big ideas,  stupid ideas yes, but definitely big.

Barack Obama:  This would be a hard sell to Mr. Obama but it would be unprecedented for the sitting President of the opposition party to accept the VP nod, but again unprecedented is what Mr. Gingrich is all about.

Richard Nixon:  Mr. Nixon comes closest to embodying what Newt Gingrich is all about, scheming, sweaty, unethical, and most of all, blaming the media for all of his and the world’s problems.  That fact that Mr. Nixon is deceased would make the selection truly revolutionary.

George W. Bush:  Like Mr. Nixon, Mr. Bush in ineligible for the job, but not because he is dead.  He is Constitutionally barred because of the two term limit for the Presidency.  However Mr. Gingrich has consistently shown than he does not care about those things.  He would unilaterally abolish a Federal Appeals Circuit because he doesn’t like their decisions, so violating a Constitutional provision is not much of a stretch. 

Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise:  Newt is a big space fan, wants to colonize the moon and put reflecting mirrors in space to light highways at night.  The fact that Captain Kirk is a fictional character is not a limitation in Mr. Gingrich’s world.  Also, although he has not said so, Mr. Gingrich is thought to believe that the Klingons pose a huge threat to U. S. national security, so selecting Captain Kirk would be the natural choice for better national defense.

Lady GaGa:  As a patron of the arts Mr. Gingrich is reportedly impressed by Ms. GaGa’s gaga attitude.  Adding her to the ticket would be a balancing move, the ticket would have a genuinely flamboyant, self centered, materialistic diva and Ms. GaGa.

Elmo from Sesame Street:  Yes he is a hand puppet, but hand puppets are under-represented in national politics and this would be a breakthrough for a previously neglected minority.  The only problem is that despite Newt’s reputation as a thinker, Elmo seems to have the better intellect.
Vladimir Putin of Russia:  Mr. Putin seems to have the same atttudes towards democracy and governing that Mr. Gingrich has, so this would be the most compatible running mate Mr. Gingrich could find.  The fact that Mr. Putin is Constitutionally ineligible to run would give Mr. Gingrich the opportunity to defy the Supreme Court when it ruled against this selection, as Mr. Gingrich has said that he has the authority to disregard Court decisions when he does not agree with them.
It is becoming increasingly unlikely that Mr. Gingrich will get the nomination, as voters are now starting to look at his actual statements and positions, but in the event he does and one of the above is selected as his VP nominee, remember where you read it first.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks TDPE. Single handedly you've proven Santa does exist and you've made this holiday, I completely detest, finally bearable. Amazing what a holiday blog will do, no?