Exclusive: Excerpts From the Keynote Speech of National Association of Scumbags

Scam Artists and Crooked Contractors

Editor's Note: The following is part of the speech the head of the trade group of Scammers, Scumbags and Cheating Contractors can only be found here, cause we made it up.

Death Valley, Ca (UPS) Sept. 1. In a fantastic speech President Suckerson of the NASSCC told his followers and members that they had a historic opportunity to rip off Texans, Floridians and the Feds in the aftermath of Harvey. Here are the highlights (lowlights)

“Folks, the opportunities to cheat the American public have never been greater. In Texas and Florida we have a great national disaster in two of the states that hate regulation. I have talked with the Governors, the Lt. Governors and other state officials and they are welcoming us with open arms. They want us to take the federal money, no questions asked. . . .

Texas and Florida are renown for lack of oversight.   Hell, they can locate a dangerous chemical plant near a big city, never tell anyone about the risks and then wash their hands in the flood waters when it blows up. Other than a few of you out there, we have never killed anybody, just robbed them blind and one thing those conservative Republicans want us to do is to rob them blind. Heck a few campaign contributions here and there and they may replace those racist statues with statues of us. . . .

I know a lot of you are worried about taking deposits and not doing work. Don't worry! In Texas and Florida you can just file under a new name and go on doing business. By the time they catch up with you most of you will have moved on. And remember, just by doing a little bit of work and then leaving will buy you months of time. . . . .

For the few of you out there that actually worry about codes and enforcement, have I go news for you. Conservatives believe the market regulates and those codes, most of which don't exist, are secondary to market controls. We are going to overwhelm the BBB. Some of you have ever worked in a state with no building code, no electrical code, no plumbing code, believe me, you're gonna love it.. . . . .

Remember, we have Trump University as our model. Get people to max out their credit cards. Tell them they will be reimbursed by the Feds as soon as they present a receipt. Talk about how they can borrow against their retirement accounts. All of you are professionals, you don't want to leave anyone with any money leftover.”