Speaker Paul Ryan Defends Millions in Tax Breaks for Insurance Companies As Reward for Raising Premiums– And Other Snarky Real False News

Believing in following the leader, this Forum will accept the new Trump Standard for Truth ie, How Low Can You Go and report the following dubious if not outright false news.

1. In Washington today Speaker Paul Ryan defended inserting a large tax giveaway for insurance companies by stating that it was hard work, hard work, to raise the premiums for 2018 and 2019 and that rewarding excess compensation that would be tax deductible under the House health care plans was the “American way”.  The Speaker denied that he thought health insurance executives were overpaid and said that going forward the industry would be under a lot of criticism due to rising premiums and that executives might have their feelings hurt if they didn’t make a lot more money.

Besides he said, we didn’t think anyone would notice given the other outrageous parts of our plan. 

2. Acting (because he surely cannot be real) Attorney General Beauregard Sessions released a statement in which he denied committing perjury in his Senate confirmation hearings.  The Too-Racist-to-be-a-Judge Trump favorite said that he had only lied under oath, and that to call this perjury meant those who claimed to understand the laws didn’t know the difference.

3. House investigative committees said that they would start their investigation of Russian ties to the Trump administration just as soon as they finished an investigation of whether or not Hilary Clinton had falsely used a Buy One, Get One Free coupon at Walmart.  Ms. Clinton apparently used the coupon to purchase a package of regular Oreos and a package of vanilla Oreos, a clear violation of the terms of the coupon the Republicans said.  FBI Director Comey said that while he could not comment on the investigation he was certain Ms. Clinton was 'guilty as hell'.

4. In a related development Senate leader Mitch McConnell said there was no reason to investigate if Trump election officials engaged in talks with Russians after Trump said they didn’t.  “The President only lies on weekdays and weekends, so his denial is good enough for me” the Senate leader said.

5. The White House is accepting applications for the position of Alternate Deputy Press Secretary.  The activity the job would require is to go on TV only after the President has made a statement that is demonstrably false.  The position is advertised as a full time job.

6. Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway said today that the new Muslim travel ban is not a ban on Muslims entering the country.  She explained that the ban only applied to individuals who openly stated they were Muslim.

7. Donnie the Trump continues to argue that former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn was unfairly fired from the White House, and Trump tweeted that as soon as he found out who actually did the firing he was going to take action.

8. Speaker Paul Ryan is reportedly in talks with a major Hollywood studio to play Eddie Munster in a remake of the popular TV series.  Ryan’s natural creepiness and resemblance to the character are considered his main advantage over other possibilities, including Sean Spicer.

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