The True Story Behind the Trump Flynn Russia Debacle – What the President Knew and When He Knew It

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Editor’s note:  From our secret mail drop on Funk and Wagnall’s front porch this Forum has learned the true (well not true) story behind all the fantastic goings on in the White House involving national security adviser Mike the Hammer Flynn and Donnie the So-Called President Trump. 

Washington (FNC*).  Investigations have revealed that shortly after he learned that President Obama would impose sanctions on Russia for interfering in the U. S. election Donald Trump huddled with his soon-to-be national security adviser, Michael Flynn and asked him what they could do to make nice to Vlad the Putin.  Michael Flynn told Trump that he had the personal number of the Russian ambassador which he got from a classified ad touting massage parlors, and he could call him and try to influence Russian reaction.

Trump was apparently worried that Putin would think that he (Trump) was a part of the sanctions deal and he didn’t want Putin to say bad things about him or stop saying good things.  “I love the guy, I’ll do anything for him” Trump had gushed.  Trump apparently told Flynn to tell the ambassador that as soon as he could Trump would revisit the sanctions issue and might even  follow up with a visit to the new Russian territory of Crimea.  “Let’s just keep this between you and me and the white pages site on the internet that lists the ambassador’s phone number” Trump allegedly told Flynn.

Flynn expressed concern that a private citizen could not engage in diplomacy and that he might be caught, but then realized that was unlikely because “Those Nazi’s in intelligence are not smart enough to tap my phone.”  Later Flynn acknowledged that he forgot that there was a phone on the other end of the conversation that could be tapped and reportedly told the President “Who would have thought the intelligence people would try to tap the Russian ambassador’s phone, what intelligence could they get from that?” he probably said.

Trump, worried that the content of the call would get out told Flynn “Just lie about it to Pence and Kellyanne and Spicer, those guys couldn’t spot the truth if it smacked them in their tuchas”  said Trump, proudly displaying the Yiddish he had picked up from living in Manhattan.  And don’t worry if it does get out “I’ll protect you and take the fall” Trump told the soon-to-be fired adviser, in his mind invoking another Yiddish term "What a smuck".

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