Trump Talks Witch Hunt; Kellyanne is Offended

And Other Snarky Comments on the News

Fake News Report in Honor of Roger Ailes

1. In response to the appointment of a Special Concile to look into the Russian role in the election and the relationship with Trumpsters Donnie said it was a witch hunt, and that if they wanted to locate the witch Kellyanne’s office was just down the corridor.  Kellyanne was reported to be not amused.

2. It has been revealed that Gen. Flynn tried to influence U. S. military policy in favor of the Turkish government while secretly on the payroll of the Turkish government.  Flynn was one of the big cheerleaders of “Lock Her Up”.  That hysterical laughter you hear coming from the Clinton house is not a recording.

3. The House Republicans were caught in a delicious lie.  They said it was not true that the Majority Leader said that Putin was paying Trump.  Big fat lie.  Then they found out there was a tape of the event.  Then they changed their story.  It was just a joke.  Finally they hired a consulting firm to find out why everyone hates them.

4. After going back on his campaign promise to move the U. S. embassy in Israel to Jerusalem and after going back on his campaign promise to tear up the Iran agreement and after going back on his campaign promise to . . . .well everyone gets the picture Sean Spicer has announced the new motto of the Trump administration.  Never Mind.  No we don’t mean never mind, Never Mind is the new motto.  Ok, never mind.

5. Trump has said he has invented the phrase ‘Prime the Pump’.  When told the phrase was first said decades ago Trump said that couldn’t be right because no one else was that clever.  The Clever People of America, a 501 c 3 organization tried to eject the President from membership but discovered he was a member of a rival organization instead, The Lying People of America.

6. Joe Lieberman’s interest in being Director of the FBI was apparently contingent on the FBI being given authority to invade at least one Middle East country every six months.

7. An independent survey firm has reported that the most popular download in the White House is the program Resume Builder.