Donnie Celebrates Father’s Day Trying to Remember the Names of His Children

And Other Fake, Funny and Almost Real News

1. On Twitter Sunday Donald said he appreciated his children Eric, Don Jr., Ivanka and ‘that other one’.  When asked about getting only three names Press Secretary said that ‘this was 75% and that was much more than any other President had ever done on Father’s Day. 

2. A secret decoder ring was found which allows the holder to get into the meetings the Republican Senators are having to craft a health care/tax cut for the wealthy bill.  The ring apparently does not work as the finder attended several meetings and reported they were pure gibberish.

3. In order to promote harmony in the House the Speaker Paul Ryan invited Nancy Pelosi over for dinner.  “Just bring anything you like and you can heat it up in the microwave” he apparently did not say, adding “I’ll have my girl set it up with your girl”.

4. The Republican controlled Senate passed a bill that gives the Congress control over the lifting of sanctions against Russia in defiance of Trump. The Senate based its vote on the certainty that Secretary of State Tillerson would convince the House not to go along, and instead let Russia name the next head of the Republican National Committee.

5. Trump announced he was being investigated for firing James Comey, then his attorney said he was not being investigated but took it back after the Washington Post said he was being investigated.  “If the Post says it, it must be true” Trump’s attorney said, “I mean, they got everything else right”.

6. In a poll just released 2% of American voters said that Trump was violating the emoluments clause of the Constitution and 98% said they thought the word ‘emoluments’ was a misspelling of the word monuments.

7. O. J. Simpson will be let out of jail early to search the Trump golf courses to find the person who decided to fire James Comey.  “I won’t rest even if I have to play every course” Simpson did not say.