The Interview: The Perfect Average Republican Voting Family

Explaining the Inexplicable, Defending the Indefensible

[Editor’s note:  In order to understand the thought (?) process of Republican voters The Dismal Political Economists has spent several weeks pouring over the Census data to discover the husband/wife couple that is most typical of Republican voters in order to interview them.  He was unable to locate that family, primarily because the Census data does not release actual names, but had he been able to interview them, the results might have been like this.]

Introduction:  Joe and Edna Jenkins of South Platte, Kansas have been determined, after extensive research and analysis, to be the absolutely most typical Republican voters in the nation.  They agreed to sit down with The Dismal Political Economist for an extensive interview about their political positions and beliefs, and why they vote Republican, no matter what.

Joe is the General Manager of a small auto parts distributor, and Edna works part time as a receptionist at the local medical clinic.  Here is what they had to say.

17. Have you always voted Republican?

Joe: Sure, I mean what other choice is there?  We vote Republican without even thinking.

Edna:  I had a cousin that once voted Democratic, lost all her hair the next year.

17. What is the key economic issue for you in the coming election?

Edna:  It’s the deficit, that’s for sure. The government has to start acting like a family, we don’t spend more than we make, that’s for sure, and as soon as we pay off the $14,000 credit card balance for those last three vacations, and the $9,000 home equity loan we took out to replace the roof and the $7,000 loans we took from Joe’s 401k Plan to help pay our son’s college tuition, and the two car loans,  why we will have a perfectly balanced budget.  We want the government to act as we have.

Joe:  Tim, the guy that owns the hardware store laid off two of his clerks last week.  Said the deficit was just so troubling that he just didn’t have any confidence anymore.  The S&P downgrade just devastated his sales.  Well, that and the Home Depot that opened up in the Cornplaster Shopping Mall outside of town.

Edna:  I heard he’s going to be selling tools that are made in Vietnam and Mongolia.

Q:  So he won’t be selling American made tools?

Joe:  He never sold American.  His tools were being made in China, but he needs to cut costs so he will get them from other places.

17. How do you think the deficit should be reduced?

Joe:  Well if they would just cut taxes on billionaires, then those billionaires would invest in the economy, and hire people and we would get higher revenues and the deficit would go away.  I read that by some guy named Laugher (Editor:  he means Arthur Laffer).  Said he had a curve that showed that would happen.  And Rush Limbaugh said it was true. 



Edna:  Government payments for
corn reduce the deficit



Edna:  And cut spending, except on farm programs and that ethanol thing, oh, and not on education, we need a new school and we need a new airport, and the health clinic I work at needs more funding and our military needs more planes and we locals aren’t going to pay for that stuff, that what our Federal taxes are for.

17. What about social issues, how do you feel about gay marriage?

Edna:  Gay marriage in New York just destroyed my cousin Bertha’s marriage.  Why two weeks after it passed her husband left her for a 22 year old Vegas showgirl.  They had a fine marriage until that gay marriage thing was allowed.  Her husband said he just couldn’t live with her knowing there were gay people getting married.

17. How about States’ Rights, is that important to you?

Joe:  We believe in a strict interpretation of the Constitution, and in the 10^th Amendment.  States were given control over their own affairs, and the Federal government should butt out.  That’s why we support amending the Constitution to prohibit states from allowing gay marriage and allowing abortion and not letting states just do whatever they please.  States' rights means states doing the right thing, not going off on their own.

Edna:   I like Mitt Romney, he made a lot of money getting rid of useless workers in businesses he bought, but he needs to be told that we in Kansas will not tolerate his requiring people in Massachusetts having to buy health insurance. 

17. How do you feel about Sarah Palin?

Joe:  Isn’t she the greatest.  I just love it when she goes on television and tells those television commentators to stop quoting her and using her words against her.  They know she doesn’t mean most of what she says but they keep showing her saying them anyway..

Edna:  Bless her heart.  We sent her a check cause we know she needs the money, I mean, she quit that good job up in Alaska just to be able to move down here and help everybody out.

17. How about Medicare, do you support it?

Joe:  Good lord no,  they need to turn that program over the private insurers.  I mean, who’s going to look after your best interests better than health insurance companies?

Edna:  Don’t tell Mama he said that, she loves Medicare.  Says she’d be broke or dead or both without it. 

Joe:  Yeah, we wouldn’t have helped her out.  You wouldn’t believe how much her hospital costs were last year.  Nothing I could have afforded.

17. You seem to be doing all right, nice Samsung refrigerator, LG washer and dryers, Sony Big Screen TV, new VW and Mazda in the driveway.

Joe:  Well we believe in buying American.

17. But those products are all made overseas.

Edna:  But we bought them in America, got the appliances over in Topeka.  Joe, that hardware store guys carries some but he only had Whirlpool and GE, not the good stuff.  And some of his prices were $5.00 higher than what we could get from out of town.  We wanted to support local business but $5.00 is $5.00.

17. Well glad to see you are doing well economically.  Any problems?

Joe:  We’re just fine, no thanks to the government.  Everything we have we got on our own.  When I got laid off two years ago I was the one that had to apply for unemployment, no government person did that for me.  And I went out to the Community College to learn computing and it didn’t cost a thing.  I worked for the Census for a while, no government jobs for me. 

Edna:  We moved two of our children back to public schools, and something called Stimulus money paid for my part time job at the library and our health insurance.  So you see, we were able to do it all on our own, no government help needed or wanted.

17. So who is your favorite for President?

Edna:  Michelle Bachmann seems just as smart as we are, and we like Mitt Romney cause he’s rich and willing to take any position he needs to in order to get elected.  But that guy Rick Perry created all those jobs in Texas all by himself, with no help from anyone, he get’s my vote.

Joe:  I am flexible.  When I first saw Herman Cain up on the stage I thought he was Romney’s limo driver bringing him something Mitt left in the car, but once I heard he was a real candidate he got my vote. 

 He’s not from Kenya is he?