Exclusive: Actual Transcript of Trump Conversation with Heads of Mexico and Canada That Lead to His Not Withdrawing from NAFTA

Or Would Be If We Had It

In the Presidential campaign Donnie Trumpie promised he would withdraw from NAFTA, the worst agreement ever along with worst agreements ever like the Iran deal, the TPP, the refugee deal with Australia and all those other worst deals ever.  But apparently after a phone call with the leaders of Mexico and Canada he changed his mind.  Here is not the transcript.

Canada; Mexico:  Thanks for taking our call Mr. President.

Trump:  Well just so you know, nothing, I mean nothing you can say will change my mind on having the US withdraw from and end NAFTA.  I am 100% on this, it’s a campaign promise.

Canada:  We understand that, and let us tell you how impressed we and the world are with you.  You have been the best President ever.  Brilliant.  Better than we expected.  Pure Genius.

Trump:  Well, ok I will listen a little more..

Mexico:  Everyone was astounded that you found brilliant people like Jared and Ivanka to bring into your government.  How did you do that, get the two finest minds in policy along with their incredible experience?

Trump:  Well, it won’t hurt to listen to you on NAFTA.

Canada:  See we think you have the opportunity to be known as a great negotiator, and if you withdraw from NAFTA you won’t have that chance.  But if you just agree to re-negotiate the treaty you will have the chance to once again show the world how great a negotiator you are.  In fact, both of us are just scared to death of you negotiating skills.  You will probably get the best deal ever.

Trump:  You guys are really making sense.  Where to you think we should start?

Mexico:  To begin with we think we need to have more Mexicans and Canadians staying at Trump properties.  So if you will ease border restrictions and let them in we will give each one a coupon worth $10.00 off a three night stay at a Trump property.  Also, we think all of the negotiations should take place at a Trump resort, at full rates of course.

Trump:  I like that, a win-win.  What else you got?

Canada:  We need to import more Ivanka clothing.  Allow us to do that and in return Canada will lower the price of our exports of minerals and metals and with greater exports to the US it will lower prices.  You will be hailed as a great inflation fighter.

Trump:  I am a fighter, aren’t I.  But hey Mex, what about all those plants moving to your country.  Will you try and stop that?

Mexico:  Absolutely, we will raise taxes on anything imported from America and use that money to improve roads between our countries and make it easier and safer to send stuff to the US.  We are sure a man as smart as you will understand how that will help.

Trump:  Uh, that doesn’t sound completely right, but as you say I am probably the smartest man ever to be President so if you say so that’s good enough for me.

Alright, I am going to announce we are just re-negotiating the NAFTA treaty and that Canada will pay for the hotel bill at Trump Montreal where we can start.  I hope you guys don’t think I was too rough on you, but I had to get a great deal for America.

Bye now.

Mexico and Canada:  Bye to you too.  (then after Trump hangs up)  What a smuck!