Prominent Non-Governmental Conservatives in Freedom Federation Vow to Fight Any Ruling That Legalizes Same Sex Marriage

Exactly How They Are Going to Fight  - Read On

With the Supreme Court ruling on several cases involving same sex marriage expected to be released in the coming week, a group of hard line conservatives have issued an ultimatum, although we have no idea what their ultimatum means.

"As Christians united together in defense of marriage, we pray that this will not happen. But, make no mistake about our resolve. While there are many things we can endure, redefining marriage is so fundamental to the natural order and the true common good that this is the line we must draw and one we cannot and will not cross."

Now those seem to be fighting words, abut exactly how they intend to fight was not made clear.  So here is what we think will happen.

A group of religious conservatives banded together under the organizational umbrella of the Freedom Federation and declared that they will fight the right to marriage equality and the right of same sex couples to marry by utterly and totally refusing to marry a person of the same sex.

“We are taking this drastic step to save America” declared a spokesman for the group “and under no conditions, regardless of the use of force, torture or the withholding of pie will we ever relent and marry a person of the same sex.  Any attempts to force any of us to marry a person who is not of the opposite sex will be met with our steady resolve and the invocation of the Almighty to rain down fire and brimstone, whatever the heck brimstone is,  on those who would force us to wed against our moral principles.”

A spokesman for a coalition of religious group supporting tolerance and freedom and equality when asked to comment said “What the hell, pardon the profanity, are these people talking about?” and went on to raise the question “are these people nuts?”  Later in the day an informal committee of mental health experts confirmed that yes, these people were, to use the clinical terminology, ‘crazy as bats’.  They later retracted that statement when bats complained about being lumped together with the Freedom Federation folks.