Republicans Crushed and Saddened by February Employment News – Drop in Jobless Said to Push Many in the GOP Towards Clinical Depression

Party Plans to Counteract Prosperity by Pushing Massive Cuts in Government Spending

After a lackluster fourth quarter the employment numbers in February showed a huge improvement, and the unemployment rate fell to its lowest level since the ill fated George W. Bush administration.

The American economy created jobs at a faster pace in February, adding 236,000 positions, the Labor Department reported Friday.

The unemployment rate was 7.7 percent, the lowest since December 2008, compared with 7.9 percent in January. Economists had been expecting the economy to add 165,000 jobs in February, with no movement in the rate.

Conservative Republicans expressed horror at the news.  “This just can’t be” said one GOP spokesperson on the verge of tears.  “We raised taxes on the wealthy, you know, the job creators and that has to have been devastating for them and the economy.  Every millionaire we know swore that he or she would fire a bunch of people if their taxes were raised.  Surely they weren’t lying to us, were they?”

Suicide prevention squads were readied for the soon to be CPAC meetings where Conservatives had been expected to heavily criticize the Obama Administration for policies that were destroying jobs.  “All of our work is now destroyed” said a sullen CPAC organizer, “just because the U. S. economy is adding jobs and helping people who are unemployed.”